I plan on moving out of this country in any case. Give it five to six
years and then I’m packing my bags and exiting sharpish. As they say, when the
going gets tough, the tough get going. I scheme it’s my only chance to actually
live – without the fear of being hijacked at gun point right outside your front
gate. I mean, just this morning, my dad was telling me, “If they try to hijack
you, give them the keys. Throw it to them and move away from the car. Don’t try
to be a hero or anything”. I’d nodded sagely and assured him that I would NOT try to take out one of my would be hijackers all by my lonesome 4.75 year old self. And besides that, Uncle Bruce (well he’s not
my real uncle or anything – but I’ve
known him for like EVER, he even painted faces at a few of my birthday parties
when I was a kid) got shot right outside
his flat.
He hears this girl screaming, and runs (like a great gun) after the perp who tried to force entry into her house.
“Next thing you know – now it’s like something out of a horror movie," goes Uncle Bruce, "no, even the scariest horror movie you’ve seen isn’t like this – bha bha bha bha, these bullets are flying everywhere, there I’m ducking and covering my head, and I’m terrified and you have bullets ricocheting off the walls and I don’t know which one is coming from where and next thing, I feel like someone blew up my leg! And down I’m on the floor and this guy comes up to me with the gun in his hand, looks down at me, point blank range, aims the gun while looking into my eyes and I’m thinking, ‘it’s over. I’m gonna die. It’s THE END’, and ‘click click’, the gun is empty. But he goes over to Vinesh and does the same thing, ‘click click’. Can you believe it? The sadism? I tell you these people. No regard for human life! And then he walks away, calm as you please. Now I’m lying here in a pool of blood, and this young girl after hearing the bullets runs downstairs when everything is quiet, and starts screaming, ‘oh my GOD, Uncle Bruce! Just look at you! Look at your leg!’ and this child is sobbing and she runs to Vinesh, ‘oh my GOD Vinesh! You’re bleeding too!’ and she runs back to me, ‘oh my GOD! OH MY GOD!’ and she’s running back and forth between us and all I’m thinking is, ‘call a bloody ambulance you little chit’,” and that’s his version of what happened - which I'm pretty sure, is pretty accurate. Anyway, Uncle Bruce showed us his x-rays, he looks really cool, like wolverine – he’s got these metal rods stuck in him.
“Well, Uncle Bruce,” I told him when we were leaving after visiting him, “I’ve learnt one thing from you at least.”
He hears this girl screaming, and runs (like a great gun) after the perp who tried to force entry into her house.
“Next thing you know – now it’s like something out of a horror movie," goes Uncle Bruce, "no, even the scariest horror movie you’ve seen isn’t like this – bha bha bha bha, these bullets are flying everywhere, there I’m ducking and covering my head, and I’m terrified and you have bullets ricocheting off the walls and I don’t know which one is coming from where and next thing, I feel like someone blew up my leg! And down I’m on the floor and this guy comes up to me with the gun in his hand, looks down at me, point blank range, aims the gun while looking into my eyes and I’m thinking, ‘it’s over. I’m gonna die. It’s THE END’, and ‘click click’, the gun is empty. But he goes over to Vinesh and does the same thing, ‘click click’. Can you believe it? The sadism? I tell you these people. No regard for human life! And then he walks away, calm as you please. Now I’m lying here in a pool of blood, and this young girl after hearing the bullets runs downstairs when everything is quiet, and starts screaming, ‘oh my GOD, Uncle Bruce! Just look at you! Look at your leg!’ and this child is sobbing and she runs to Vinesh, ‘oh my GOD Vinesh! You’re bleeding too!’ and she runs back to me, ‘oh my GOD! OH MY GOD!’ and she’s running back and forth between us and all I’m thinking is, ‘call a bloody ambulance you little chit’,” and that’s his version of what happened - which I'm pretty sure, is pretty accurate. Anyway, Uncle Bruce showed us his x-rays, he looks really cool, like wolverine – he’s got these metal rods stuck in him.
“Well, Uncle Bruce,” I told him when we were leaving after visiting him, “I’ve learnt one thing from you at least.”
“Yeah, what’s that my angel?” he asks.
“Never run after a guy with a gun”.
He used some colourful words to describe me after that, but he was
smiling. That’s Uncle Bruce for you, shot up and bed bound, but still taking
the piss out of life. Oh I love him. And so would you, if you knew him that is.
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