I'm going to India! The land of colour, curries and extremities. You can't even fathom how excited I am - after growing up on a staple of Bollywood movies and after reading so many books describing this massively over-populated and mellifluous country, with it's melting rhythm of cultures and people - even the fact that the streets will be filled with thousands of disgusting spit-balls doesn't squash my excitement!
So, this is to be my last blog post in a rather long time (about 3 weeks max). Don't worry though, I've got my journal and will be happily jotting down everything I see and hear and taste and smell and feel! It's going to be a sensory over-load and I know I'm going to love every minute of it! I'll come back spewing my experiences onto The Pinus in a truly retard fashion!
My packing's done and right now I'm just eagerly awaiting the arrival of tomorrow morning...come 7:00am I officially become a globe trotter up up up in the air!
Goodbye for now my lovely retards, I wish you all a Merry Christmas and an ecstatically fabulous New Year! - I'll be somewhere in Delhi, watching the fireworks and dancing to some obscure hindi song in the streets (in true Bollywood style), but I'll be thinking of all my wonderful friends still wallowing in a South African summers festive, bright, bubbly, hot and insanely ayoba New Years celebration!
Make a wish on a star for me and I'll pick you every colour India paints for me!
XXXO!
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Friday, December 16, 2011
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
December is the month of Birthdays on my calendar - there is no other month in my year, where I have so many birthdays to remember!
This post is in dedication to the girl who traipsed all over town with me in search of the single last Chocolate Log - all because I had an all consuming craving for one.
You're the cotton to my candy, the pop to my corn and the brownie to my avalanche! Dude, I think I loved you since the day you drank copper-sulphate in grade four - even I wasn't crazy enough to try that. And over the years, you just kept on giving me reasons to love you even more - your dimples for one, the way you talk so fast that even I sometimes can't understand you (and you know that's a stretch considering how fast I talk myself), the way you always have a smile on your face and the way you look as if you have a nuclear bomb about to go off inside you when you have something to tell me.
This girl, lovely people of planet Earth, used to bring lunch for me to school every day; she used to pitch up at my house at 8am with KFC for breakfast; she used to bake me a batch of blue cupcakes just because I said that I had a craving for them. She's one of the most selfless people I know. A true friend.
I remember the days of surfing on sunshine - when nothing I did was too crazy or outlandish, when even looking like a drenched out, half drowned raccoon, she still looked at me and said, "you know, I do quite love you too". The same girl who, when everyone thought I was mad to spin around in the rain, she ran out to spin with me too. Oh Bob, what would I have done without you all these years? That's a question I don't think I can possibly answer, because she's become so integrated into my world that it's like wondering, "Oh what would I do without you Left Arm?"
So the point of this is me, proposing a toast (common, raise your virtual glasses everyone, nobody is watching I swear), to the only girl I know who will kiss a camel to say thank you for the ride instead of just patting it on the head: may Life bring you new and unexpectedly pleasant surprises, may your dreams come true and your aspirations be realised, may you forever be wonderfully healthy and happy.
I Love You, Bob the Builder.
XXXO
Your Smurf.
This post is in dedication to the girl who traipsed all over town with me in search of the single last Chocolate Log - all because I had an all consuming craving for one.
You're the cotton to my candy, the pop to my corn and the brownie to my avalanche! Dude, I think I loved you since the day you drank copper-sulphate in grade four - even I wasn't crazy enough to try that. And over the years, you just kept on giving me reasons to love you even more - your dimples for one, the way you talk so fast that even I sometimes can't understand you (and you know that's a stretch considering how fast I talk myself), the way you always have a smile on your face and the way you look as if you have a nuclear bomb about to go off inside you when you have something to tell me.
This girl, lovely people of planet Earth, used to bring lunch for me to school every day; she used to pitch up at my house at 8am with KFC for breakfast; she used to bake me a batch of blue cupcakes just because I said that I had a craving for them. She's one of the most selfless people I know. A true friend.
I remember the days of surfing on sunshine - when nothing I did was too crazy or outlandish, when even looking like a drenched out, half drowned raccoon, she still looked at me and said, "you know, I do quite love you too". The same girl who, when everyone thought I was mad to spin around in the rain, she ran out to spin with me too. Oh Bob, what would I have done without you all these years? That's a question I don't think I can possibly answer, because she's become so integrated into my world that it's like wondering, "Oh what would I do without you Left Arm?"
So the point of this is me, proposing a toast (common, raise your virtual glasses everyone, nobody is watching I swear), to the only girl I know who will kiss a camel to say thank you for the ride instead of just patting it on the head: may Life bring you new and unexpectedly pleasant surprises, may your dreams come true and your aspirations be realised, may you forever be wonderfully healthy and happy.
I Love You, Bob the Builder.
XXXO
Your Smurf.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Kay's Cradle
When I was little, my weeks were divided between the middle of nowhere (Stanger), and the middle of somewhere (Durban). My Mum was the first of her siblings to marry, and so too, the first to have a child - Me. For years I enjoyed the lofty and much enviable status of the only child in that household - fawned over by my grandparents and spoilt rotten by my aunties and uncle. They were so besotted with me (and yes, I say that with a smug, affectionate smile), that nearly every weekend, either one of my mother's siblings (or even all of them), would drive up to our cosy flat, pick me up and cart me off to Durban for a weekend (or sometimes even week) of fun, junk and tomato sauce.
My Mum's eldest sister, Kay, was the aunt who majored in the art All Things Fun: I could always count on her to have a stash of chocolates hidden not-so-efficiently in her room or to come home from work in a fantastic mood carting me off to the Movies or to get some ice-cream (or both). And the weekends were never dull either - we'd go to the beach and the flea markets, to the animal farm and the fun fair, to mini-town or the dolphin show; there were always people to see and places to go. It was a happy-coloured-chocolate-flavoured-candy-coated kind of bonding time. On some days, she'd even take me to work with her, and I remember I didn't even find that tedious (she's the kind of person who manages to make almost anything fun) - especially since, like at home, there was always sweets to be got. She had this nifty gadget, Newton's Cradle (its a series of swinging spheres, if one is pulled away and let to fall, then the impact produces a shock wave that propagates through the intermediate balls...that ball strikes the next ball in the series and comes to a complete stop. The ball on the opposite side acquires most of the velocity and almost instantaneously swings in an arc about as high as the first ball), on her desk, and I remember, I used to be so fascinated by it (still am if truth be told).
Kay taught me many lessons. The most important, I feel it necessary to share:
1) Chocolate is good (repeat: chocolate stash).
2) Disney is genius (She took me to the see the Lion King, among others).
3) Science is fun (Newton's Cradle).
4) Dogs are friends (She got me my first - and so far only - dog: Simba).
5) Be Yourself, coz YOU are awesome (she led by example).
It's her birthday today, and I felt it necessary to share it with the world (and Loyal Followers), because you see Dear Readers, she is one of my inspirations in life. She has always been my friend first and my aunt second, my other Mother, my initial mentor.
Happy Birthday Apakhala, I love you lot's and lot's. I hope you know and never forget that, and I hope that one day I can repay you for all you've done for me.
My Mum's eldest sister, Kay, was the aunt who majored in the art All Things Fun: I could always count on her to have a stash of chocolates hidden not-so-efficiently in her room or to come home from work in a fantastic mood carting me off to the Movies or to get some ice-cream (or both). And the weekends were never dull either - we'd go to the beach and the flea markets, to the animal farm and the fun fair, to mini-town or the dolphin show; there were always people to see and places to go. It was a happy-coloured-chocolate-flavoured-candy-coated kind of bonding time. On some days, she'd even take me to work with her, and I remember I didn't even find that tedious (she's the kind of person who manages to make almost anything fun) - especially since, like at home, there was always sweets to be got. She had this nifty gadget, Newton's Cradle (its a series of swinging spheres, if one is pulled away and let to fall, then the impact produces a shock wave that propagates through the intermediate balls...that ball strikes the next ball in the series and comes to a complete stop. The ball on the opposite side acquires most of the velocity and almost instantaneously swings in an arc about as high as the first ball), on her desk, and I remember, I used to be so fascinated by it (still am if truth be told).
Kay taught me many lessons. The most important, I feel it necessary to share:
1) Chocolate is good (repeat: chocolate stash).
2) Disney is genius (She took me to the see the Lion King, among others).
3) Science is fun (Newton's Cradle).
4) Dogs are friends (She got me my first - and so far only - dog: Simba).
5) Be Yourself, coz YOU are awesome (she led by example).
It's her birthday today, and I felt it necessary to share it with the world (and Loyal Followers), because you see Dear Readers, she is one of my inspirations in life. She has always been my friend first and my aunt second, my other Mother, my initial mentor.
Happy Birthday Apakhala, I love you lot's and lot's. I hope you know and never forget that, and I hope that one day I can repay you for all you've done for me.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Fortune Cookie No2. I am NOT a muggle.
A post has been in order for a great many days...and I'm ashamed to say I just haven't had the energy or brain power to go ahead and bang the keyboard. Setting aside the fact that, that sentence reads so wrong in so many different ways, I'm going to tell you about the one fact of life I've come to accept: Change. It's everywhere, all around us - not just in the weather: coz admit it, the weather these days has turned into a real fucktardian mood bender hasn't it. Hot, cold, sunny, cloudy, rain, wind: it's a hundred and three seasons all in one day. Anyway, back to life's fact (change). I'll take you through it step by step, the long walk to realisation (since I'm going to teach for the rest of my legendary life, I may as well practice on you guys - if I mess you up I won't be held accountable see).
Exhibit A:
Joel...has changed. He's no longer the retard, otees-and-nesquik-captain-planet-elemental-hero, kinda guy I'd grown to know and love. I don't see him as the guy who inspired this surprisingly read (thank you World and Loyal Followers) blog - Pinus is no longer his deal. Thursday 17th March...wasn't such a far off account. I guess I lost him, even back when he used to be right next to me. Friendships change - even the best of them. You know someone and then turn around a few times and you can't recognise them - the saddest part is, I liked the old him. It's like playing hide and seek, sometimes I catch a glimpse, but before I can shout, "GOTCHA!", he's disappeared again. I've accepted that though, people will change. If not for THE best, for their best. And a lot of the times, you can't fault them for it either - after all, the human species beat the dinosaurs; change is in our DNA; we adapt to survive.
Exhibit B:
Global warming has ruined my summer (the weather could NOT be summed up in two lines - the bitch needs an entire paragraph). I've spent more time being sick than I have actually soaking up the Vitamin D. In previous years, summer was a stretched out, icicle flavoured affair, spent splashing about in the pool and getting burnt to a crisp at the beach. STOP KILLING THE ATMOSPHERE PEOPLE...I miss the days where we just had one season in a day - in the one season it was supposed to be in. Change is responsible for this, I'm certain of it. More penguins are dying than before - I can feel it in my bones. It's because we keep using up more than we should and manufacturing more than we need, all to appease the monster called consumerism. (Fight Club -English 101 - wasn't lost on me see). Which sort of brings me back to exhibit A - the more we evolve, the more change there is, and the more we consume, and so...the more global warming fucks us over.
Exhibit C:
Harry Potter...do you remember back in the day, when it all began - with the little shack in the middle of the ocean and Hagrid barging in to rescue us from the horrible Dursley's with his all mighty umbrella? Yeah, I think back to that squashed and soggy blue and white birthday cake too and smile fondly. Fuck off Professor Quirrell, I'll punch you in the fucking nose bitch - you're nothing but a spectre Voldemort and in the 7th book I vaporise you (that's what I shout out now days when I reread it). Back in the day, before DVD's became popular, I killed my Video cassette of the Philosophers Stone, just so I could learn all the spells (there were only so many times you could watch something back then before it blew up). We're the generation that grew up in an alternate universe - one where we learnt spells and fought off Basilisks and flew on Hippogriffs - we were the cool generation....the times have changed though, nowadays, kids are running after vampires that sparkle. I mean seriously, freaktards, SPARKLE? Dracula is probably turning in tomb, screeching, "WHY?! MY LIFE'S WORK! ALL CHUCKED UP FOR A FAGGOT?!" Sorry Twilight fans, after the brilliance of Harry Potter and the epic history that vampires have cultivated, I simply cannot condone any vampire that sparkles - except maybe Alice, and that's only because she's awesome and can't create a child with her frozen dead vampire sperm. Like, SERIOUSLY? Times, have definitely changed.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Change...change is the sore throat before the flu letting you know you're fucked. But, I guess change is also...the bud you see before the full blown rose. It's the sun in the morning chasing away the dark and the stars in the evening when the world slips to sleep. Change is part of life. It's tangible, it's inevitable. Change...change my lovely lovely people of Planet Earth, is something I will never quite cheer on, but also something I can never do without.
Fortune Cookie says: Change is like Pi. After a certain point, we never know what number is coming next (well us normal nerds, not the hardcore geeks).
Exhibit A:
Joel...has changed. He's no longer the retard, otees-and-nesquik-captain-planet-elemental-hero, kinda guy I'd grown to know and love. I don't see him as the guy who inspired this surprisingly read (thank you World and Loyal Followers) blog - Pinus is no longer his deal. Thursday 17th March...wasn't such a far off account. I guess I lost him, even back when he used to be right next to me. Friendships change - even the best of them. You know someone and then turn around a few times and you can't recognise them - the saddest part is, I liked the old him. It's like playing hide and seek, sometimes I catch a glimpse, but before I can shout, "GOTCHA!", he's disappeared again. I've accepted that though, people will change. If not for THE best, for their best. And a lot of the times, you can't fault them for it either - after all, the human species beat the dinosaurs; change is in our DNA; we adapt to survive.
Exhibit B:
Global warming has ruined my summer (the weather could NOT be summed up in two lines - the bitch needs an entire paragraph). I've spent more time being sick than I have actually soaking up the Vitamin D. In previous years, summer was a stretched out, icicle flavoured affair, spent splashing about in the pool and getting burnt to a crisp at the beach. STOP KILLING THE ATMOSPHERE PEOPLE...I miss the days where we just had one season in a day - in the one season it was supposed to be in. Change is responsible for this, I'm certain of it. More penguins are dying than before - I can feel it in my bones. It's because we keep using up more than we should and manufacturing more than we need, all to appease the monster called consumerism. (Fight Club -English 101 - wasn't lost on me see). Which sort of brings me back to exhibit A - the more we evolve, the more change there is, and the more we consume, and so...the more global warming fucks us over.
Exhibit C:
Harry Potter...do you remember back in the day, when it all began - with the little shack in the middle of the ocean and Hagrid barging in to rescue us from the horrible Dursley's with his all mighty umbrella? Yeah, I think back to that squashed and soggy blue and white birthday cake too and smile fondly. Fuck off Professor Quirrell, I'll punch you in the fucking nose bitch - you're nothing but a spectre Voldemort and in the 7th book I vaporise you (that's what I shout out now days when I reread it). Back in the day, before DVD's became popular, I killed my Video cassette of the Philosophers Stone, just so I could learn all the spells (there were only so many times you could watch something back then before it blew up). We're the generation that grew up in an alternate universe - one where we learnt spells and fought off Basilisks and flew on Hippogriffs - we were the cool generation....the times have changed though, nowadays, kids are running after vampires that sparkle. I mean seriously, freaktards, SPARKLE? Dracula is probably turning in tomb, screeching, "WHY?! MY LIFE'S WORK! ALL CHUCKED UP FOR A FAGGOT?!" Sorry Twilight fans, after the brilliance of Harry Potter and the epic history that vampires have cultivated, I simply cannot condone any vampire that sparkles - except maybe Alice, and that's only because she's awesome and can't create a child with her frozen dead vampire sperm. Like, SERIOUSLY? Times, have definitely changed.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Change...change is the sore throat before the flu letting you know you're fucked. But, I guess change is also...the bud you see before the full blown rose. It's the sun in the morning chasing away the dark and the stars in the evening when the world slips to sleep. Change is part of life. It's tangible, it's inevitable. Change...change my lovely lovely people of Planet Earth, is something I will never quite cheer on, but also something I can never do without.
Fortune Cookie says: Change is like Pi. After a certain point, we never know what number is coming next (well us normal nerds, not the hardcore geeks).
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